Relationships are complicated. We all know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of someone who’s a little too eager. But what about if it’s the other way around? Maybe this time, you’re the one who is coming on too strong…
It can be difficult to find that balance between showing the right amount of interest and scaring someone away. If you’re worried you’re in the latter category, this list will help give you some guidance on whether you’re coming on too strong or not (and hopefully stop scaring your love interest away!)
Table of Contents
- 12 Signs You’re Coming on Too Strong in a Relationship
- 1. You Always Call Them First
- 2. You Want to Spend Every Waking Moment Together
- 3. Your Friends Complain That They Never See You
- 4. You’re Constantly Trying to Get Their Attention
- 5. You’re Instantly Trying to Set Up The Next Date
- 6. They Don’t Seem as Interested Anymore
- 7. You Make Sure Your Answer is Always Yes
- 8. You’re The First to Like And Comment on Every Social Media Post They Make
- 9. You Talk About the Distant Future as if it’s a Given That You’ll Be Together Then
- 10. You Try Too Hard to Please Them
- 11. You Feel Jealous of Other People in Their Life
- 12. You Reply to Text Messages Way Too Fast
12 Signs You’re Coming on Too Strong in a Relationship
1. You Always Call Them First
There’s nothing wrong with calling or texting someone you’re interested in, especially when you feel they’re into you. But if you are always the one to initiate contact with your partner, that could be a sign of coming on too strong.
You should give them some space and time to do their own thing or else they may feel suffocated by what feels like an overbearing relationship. This can lead to resentment in both parties which is never good for any healthy long-term partnership.
2. You Want to Spend Every Waking Moment Together
If you insist on spending every moment together, it may be time to take a step back.
You don’t need to spend every waking moment with them in order for the relationship to work out. In fact, it’s healthy for partners to spend some time apart as this gives each party space to think about what they want out of the relationship, without feeling guilt or outside influences.
3. Your Friends Complain That They Never See You
A big sign that you may be coming on too strong is when your friends complain that they never see you anymore. Because if YOUR friends complaining about this, then there’s a good chance that your love interests friends are complaining, too.
While it’s to be expected that you’ll have less time for your friends when you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to abandon them completely, and nor should you expect your partner to abandon theirs.
4. You’re Constantly Trying to Get Their Attention
If you’re always trying to get your partner’s attention when they are talking with others, that may be a sign of coming on too strong.
It can also come across as being clingy which will make them want to push you away even more and seek someone who is not so needy for their time or affection.
5. You’re Instantly Trying to Set Up The Next Date
So your date went great and you can’t wait for the next time you get together. That’s wonderful!
Of course, your first inclination is to organize a time to meet up again. Hold your horses!
Instantly trying to set up the next date screams desperation. I’m not suggesting you wait a month and then casually reach out – that could give the opposite sign, that you’re NOT interested.
However, to avoid scaring them off, wait a couple of days before you reach out again. And don’t always be the first to organize your next date – let them reach out to you sometimes.
6. They Don’t Seem as Interested Anymore
If you feel like your partner is not as interested in the relationship anymore, it can be a sign that they are feeling suffocated or overburdened by what feels to them like an overly needy person.
Coming on too strong may have caused this change in interest and if so, then it’s important to back off and give them space.
7. You Make Sure Your Answer is Always Yes
No matter how many times he says no about hanging out in a particular way – going for coffee after work, drinks at night – somehow your answer manages to be yes without hesitation.
It’s ok to say no sometimes. You shouldn’t be canceling every plan and making sure your schedule is wide open just in case you receive a text. This can come across as needy and desperate.
8. You’re The First to Like And Comment on Every Social Media Post They Make
Every time they post something on social media, you’re the first person to like and comment. This means they’re constantly receiving notifications with your name on them and everyone on their friends list sees you popping up non-stop, too.
You may feel like this is a good way to show that you’re interested, but doing it constantly is actually a good way to appear clingy and insecure.
9. You Talk About the Distant Future as if it’s a Given That You’ll Be Together Then
Talking about your future together can be an indicator that your partner is deeply in love with you, so it’s definitely not always a negative thing.
The problem occurs when you’re doing this in the early stages of a relationship. When you’re just getting to know one another, you should be focusing on finding out who the other person truly is, what makes them tick, and if your goals and values align.
A good way to frighten someone away is to say things like “I wonder what our kids will look like” when you’ve only been dating for 3 weeks.
10. You Try Too Hard to Please Them
You don’t feel like going out for drinks on Friday night, but you do it anyway because you know they want to. You hate the way you look in red but you buy a red dress because he mentioned red is his favorite color. You’re a vegetarian but you suggest going to a steakhouse because you know he loves eating meat…
All successful relationships require compromise but what you shouldn’t be doing is going against your own needs, desires, and beliefs just to please someone else.
11. You Feel Jealous of Other People in Their Life
Do you find yourself getting jealous of the other people in their life – whether they’re friends or family? You may think that showing jealousy lets your partner know how much you care about them, but it frequently has the opposite effect. It’s a good way to scare someone off.
If jealousy is an issue, you need to find a way to get over it before it starts causing problems. A good way to do this is simply to accept that you feel jealous and then let it go. Don’t dwell on those feelings – acknowledge them then release them.
12. You Reply to Text Messages Way Too Fast
You find yourself replying to their text messages too fast – within seconds of them sending it. You want them to know that you’re interested in what they have to say, so you reply back the second they send the message, because why wait?
It’s like every moment is an opportunity for contact when this person texts or calls – even if you have other things going on at the same time! It feels like your whole life has been put on hold while waiting for their next response. Sometimes you’ll even spend hours staring at your phone…
If this sounds familiar, it’s time to put down the phone. Leave some time between receiving a text and replying to let them know that you have a life outside of them.
It can difficult to navigate expectations in a new relationship, but one thing that turns most people off is when someone comes on way too strong.
You don’t need to play hard to get, but it’s important that both parties have the space they need to process their feelings and decide if there’s a future together.